Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Something's Not Right

So I don't usually go this long without posting on my blog, but I'll admit that I just haven't been myself lately. I have NO IDEA what the problem is (probably a culmination of many different things) but my mind has just been everywhere and nowhere at the same time. As some of you may already know, I always tend to get a little down in the dumps at this time of year because it brings back alot of memories of my grandma, whom I miss desperately. But I don't really think that's the case right now. For starters, I'm in desperate need of work but everything that I find is either full-time or just not for me, which has been stressing me out. So if anyone happens to hear of any morning time part-time work (especially working with kids) then let me know ('cause I'm so close to just filling out an application at Target). I've also been super, super exhausted lately (and no, I'm not pregnant... I would be crying if I were), which I can only attribute to the fact that I am so unhealthy right now. So now add to the mix alot of stress over trying to get back into exercising/eating healthier along with being constantly tired and you've got one cranky mom. I've also been super-stressed about my kids lately. Am I playing with them enough? Am I providing enough opportunities for growth and learning? And on and on. I know that this seems trivial, but I'm absolutely serious when I say that questions like these have been keeping me up at night (which just adds to my fatigue.)

My solution to try to deal with all of this? I've created a daily schedule for myself... a serious one. I have every minute of everyday planned out (obviously allowing for unexpected circumstances or impromptu deviations.) In college this was the only way for me to balance rowing practice, karate, working out on my own, orchestra, band, drum practice, bass practice, classes, studying, ect., so I might as well give it a try. I see myself as a very lazy, lax procrastinator and too many times I've been climbing into bed feeling like I got absolutely nothing accomplished today. So in order to meet all of the high demands that I've been putting on myself lately (daily prayer/scripture study, daily exercising, play with my kids more, schooltime for Steven, clean the house more efficiently, improve journal writing, and really getting serious about writing children's books and poetry), I decided to lay it all down on a piece of paper. And I must say, on paper it seems like I can fit everything in. Now don't get me wrong, I don't intend to become a slave to the clock (my personality would never allow for that anyway.) But I've been reading over and over in all of my education books about how children thrive on routine and I was just thinking to myself "You know what, maybe I would thrive on a routine, too." When I've transferred my schedule to Excel then I'll load it up and show everyone my (very lofty) plans. But for now, considering that a key component of my new schedule is to get to bed by ten every night and it is now eleven, I'll talk to you guys tomorrow!

7 comments:

Bethanne said...

Good for you...hope it helps! To-do lists always work for me, but sometimes I don't even have time to do a to-do list! Schedules are great for my kiddos though...

Michelle said...

I just found your blog link at the bottom of your email. Thanks for sharing your family with us. I've really enjoyed this piece of my afternoon reading.

And thanks for reminding me of one of my old very very favorite songs. Somebody. I bet it's been 7 years since I've heard it.

GibbonsFam said...

Audrey, I'm so glad you posted this!!! I was in the same exact position this whole summer! I was desperately trying to find ways to spend more time playing with the kids and not feel so tired on top of all my other chores/stresses I had to do and deal with. And your plan of action is right! when you get into a routine, kids and you know what to expect so the day goes smother. Ever since Matthew started school (which is from 11-2:30) it now breaks up my day, and so I plan things for he mornings and afternoons. And while Matthew is in school and Olivia is sleeping, I pop in a workout video and it has helped TONS! for the energy part!

I know Steven is not old enough for preschool, but have you considered a JOY school with some girls from your ward? I had found out that when kids start to get older they learn better if they are with other kids their age. My friend here in SA was having a hard time trying to find things to do/activities for her little boy who's 3, and she felt the same way. She was stressing out that she didn't sit to do more things with him during the day etc. and as soon as she started JOY school, with some other moms, her little boy loves it! and that's the only time of the day they sit and do school stuff. Not to mention that you get 2 hours to spend with Margaret while he's in his little school.

Anyway, just a thought. I hope everything starts to fall into place! I hated this summer! i too felt all out of sorts! but you will get into a groove before you know it!

GibbonsFam said...

P.S
don't push yourself too much either! cleaning can sometimes wait!!! and when there's nothing to do at home, a walk always helps kill time and calm kids!!!

Kristi said...

Audrey, I KNOW how you feel. The same thoughts go through my head and sometimes it just seems too much to deal with. Like there is NOT enough time in the day to do EVERY THING...I start stressing over really stupid things like trimming fingernails and toenails, haircuts, are their daily snacks healthy enough...on and on and on. I have thought so many times that I need to make a schedule for our family, so you have inspired me! Things will all work out, you are doing the most important thing and that is scripture study and prayer. You'll be blessed with your sanity soon enough! ;) Love ya!

Kristi said...

oh yea, i was so glad to hear evanescense (sp) i looove that song! especially when i'm in a bad mood haha!

The Sabins said...

Seems like this time of year until Christmas just speeds up and goes by in a blur.

Hoping you find the right balance and feel better!

p/s Trunk or Treat is on Halloween - Friday night.